Back At Square One

It’s Tuesday morning.
It’s another rainy day.
Maybe if I had been prettier,
It wouldn’t have ended this way.

Stop it, stop it.
Don’t go down that road.
You know it wasn’t about that.
Don’t carry an unnecessary load.

But what if I had my shit together?
What if I were financially more established?
Would my odds have been better?
Would that have increased my status?

You told me about your family.
About your last words to your dad.
You told me about your past.
The pain, shame, and guilt you had.

Yet you never wrote home about me.
They never knew a thing.
Even though they were a few blocks away.
Was I just a fling?

Was I more than a pillow?
Was I your soft place to land?
Couldn’t you tell from the dreams I shared,
I wanted more than to hold a hand?

I was young and hopeful,
And maybe a dash naïve.
You were experienced and cynical,
Always the first to leave.

I like to think the love I gave,
Will help restore your faith.
You’ll find the strength to try again.
You’ll know that it’s safe.

But if and when that day comes,
I’ll be out of sight.
Apparently the thought of “being friends”
Gave you a fright.

Cause you’re gone. You’re gone.
Even though you’re near.
I hate going to our old places,
Wondering if I’ll find you here.

You are the only one who I can say,
Truly had my best.
I was the sweetest version of myself with you.
Yet I didn’t pass the test.

Now I’m back to the drawing board,
I’m back at square one.
I’m back to waiting for a unicorn,
Who I fear will never come.

© Regina Mast 2015

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