Buy Yourself the Flowers

I wish I had the right words,
To soothe your fears and bring you peace,
But I’m in the same place of transition,
And I don’t know the end date on this lease.

I’m sorry you’re still waiting,
I’m sorry sometimes it hurts,
I’m sorry you don’t have a partner yet,
And that none of your relationships have worked.

I know some days are easy,
And others are extremely tough,
I know sometimes you’re tired,
And want to scream “enough is enough.”

As frustrating as it can be,
As much as you hate to wait,
I think love isn’t within your control,
And part of it is up to fate.

Love cannot be captured,
Love cannot be fabricated,
Love cannot be earned,
Love cannot be formulated.

Sometimes all the trying,
Just leaves you broken and confused,
Feeding the lie you’re not enough on your own,
And that you need someone else to provide refuge.

It’s easy to look at yourself,
And think you’re doing something wrong,
Are you unlovable?
Aren’t you where you belong?

People constantly tell you,
“You need to put yourself out there more!
Here, try these apps,”
When you’re out of energy to pour.

You feel all this pressure,
Thinking there is more you should do,
When instead of heading downtown,
You’d rather watch a Netflix show or two.

You are not alone,
In the way you feel,
I hope knowing this,
Will make it easier to deal.

When you’re having a bad day,
Buy yourself the damn flowers,
And if you’re feeling lazy,
It’s okay to skip the shower.

You don’t have to walk on egg shells,
You don’t always have to be ready,
Anticipation should feel like excitement,
Instead of a burden that is heavy.

Instead of constantly striving,
To do everything perfectly,
Skip the healthy salad,
And for dinner, have ice cream.

When it happens, it will happen,
Independently from anything you do,
Rest easy, find joy in the process,
It’s one part of the journey.

When you feel tired, remember:
You can stop waiting right now!
You can find someone to settle with,
And find a way to manage somehow.

But, like someone wise always says:
It’s better to want something that isn’t yet in your possession,
Than not to want the things that are yours,
And live a life of oppression.

There is no judgment,
For those who settle for good enough;
There is pain in both choices,
Either route can be rough.

There are two sides,
To the coin that is independence,
The lesser known is loneliness;
And having to force self-reliance.

Life comes in packages,
Though we tend to see only the good,
Until the package is ours,
Only then is it truly understood.

I cannot tell you why we wait,
I cannot tell you for how long,
But I can tell you that it’s not in vain,
And I can tell you this is where you become strong.

I can tell you this time serves you,
I can tell you that it makes you prepared,
To handle future life circumstances,
Whether experiences are alone or shared.

This waiting equips you with a tank of wisdom,
And with a set of tools,
Do you realize how lucky that makes you?
Beauty for ashes turn your pains into jewels.

You already possess,
Everything that you need,
It is all inside of you,
It isn’t in the circumstances you heed.

When you plant a fruit tree,
You spend several years waiting,
But then it bears fruit on its own,
Without you even participating.

This season of growth,
Will bear fruit continuously,
When you apply what you’ve learned,
It’ll repay you extensively.

Then when you have,
The object which you desire
Fear won’t control you,
Cause you can handle the fire.

You are capable of standing alone,
And that, my darling, is true courage,
Which you will wear effortlessly,
With or without marriage.

© Regina Mast 2016

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