Eleni

Eleni vanRoden,
I wish I could give you a hug!
But you live two states away,
So you’ll have to settle for poetic love.

When I think of you,
I think of someone who is a blast!
Elon, Charlotte, Raleigh,
We’ve taken many cities with class.

Isn’t that what you call it,
When a tow truck drives you home?
Oh, our nights at Elon,
West End, Brown & Co.

Remember your 21st?
We went out despite an 8am?
Man, we were champs,
Rallying to no end.

The Queen City was great!
Downtown escapades & our mud run,
It didn’t matter what we did,
We always had fun!

Did I tell you that I’m proud of you?
For finishing law school?
I admire your work ethic,
And your ability to stay relevant/cool.

Remember our walk to the Os game,
When we got swallowed up in the Baltimore Riot?
If someone thinks it wasn’t scary,
I’d like to see them try it.

How about the time we accidentally snuck into,
The fort Francis Scott Key wrote about?
“Gina, everyone is wearing matching stickers,
That first building was the line, no doubt!”

Chicago was incredible,
Except getting bad directions on the train,
Giordano’s, more so than our race,
Oh and getting to the Cub’s stadium in the rain.

Though our habits have been tamed,
Our hangouts remain legendary,
We’ve matured in many ways,
So the next morning’s are less scary.

We’re still good at killing brunch,
And having long roof-top talks,
We’re still good at creating humor,
Even on simple things, like walks.

Anyways, sweet girl,
Just a few more things:
I appreciate your kindness,
And the sunshine that it brings.

I adore your sense of humor,
I admire your intelligence,
You’ve got a good head on your shoulders,
You’re a tough cookie… with elegance.

Marvin and Dean

Happy Birthday,
To Marvin and Dean,
I know you guys don’t like much attention,
So I’ll try not to make a scene.

Nor will I type your ages,
Cause you both look great,
We can keep everyone guessing,
Twenty-two? Thirty-eight?

They’ll never know,
And I’ll never tell,
Cause from prior experience,
You’re not pleasant when you yell.

My only brothers,
Share the same birthday,
I guess the heavens aligned,
Thirteen years apart, to the day.

You’re my only siblings,
Without a Facebook account,
Cause you mind your own business,
And don’t like when others try to recount.

You’re both driven,
And you’re funny as can be,
Your sense of humor is always,
Politically incorrect and witty.

Marvin, your intelligence,
Is intimidating and worth applaud.
Sometimes when I don’t understand,
I simply smile and nod.

And Dean, oh my goodness,
You’re so stinkin’ nice,
When it comes to helping others,
You never think twice!

You both contain your feelings,
Inside your collected exterior,
But when you get stressed out:
EVERYONE RUN FOR A BARRIER.

Your tempers are as fierce,
As the ocean is deep,
Yet you manage to share wisdom,
Most times when you speak.

You would never be pretentious,
You are authentic and real,
So when you have successes,
You act like it’s no big deal.

You’re both humble and strong,
You’re thoughtful and wise,
But if I’m gonna be honest,
Marvin has the nicer eyes.

Sorry Dean,
Try not to take it personal,
I got stuck with brown eyes too,
So I’ll be merciful.

Anyways, I hope today full of laughter,
I hope it’s full of blessings,
I hope you feel extra peaceful,
So that you spend less time stressing.

I love you both,
For your quirks and all,
And I’ll leave it at that,
So I don’t make you bawl.

The Audit

My morning flew by,
In a bit of a blur,
I was plowing through my work,
When something gave me a stir.

A man dressed like an accountant,
Showed up at my desk.
He said “I’m here for the audit”
With a demeanor that was statuesque.

(That’s kinda funny,
Cause my boss forgot,
But I’ll see what I can do,
Which might not be a lot.)

Trying to remain calm,
I asked him to have a seat,
He clearly saw I was there,
So it was too late to retreat.

I wanted to run away,
Or ask him to come back later,
But I didn’t want to tick him off,
You don’t want to turn an auditor into a hater.

I shook his hand,
With a smile on my face,
Composure: don’t fail me now.
Brain: though underprepared, find an ace.

As I was sitting down,
I met his glare,
When I heard a startling noise,
Coming from my chair.

You know when you blow,
Into an elbow that is bent?
And it makes a funny sound,
That can make the sternest characters relent?

Well that noise happened,
Because I was wearing a dress,
And I sat down too quickly,
Causing instant distress.

I continued to make eye contact,
As I answered his questions,
Providing the requested documentation,
Not knowing how to make defensive mentions.

“That’s not what it sounded like”
Is what I wanted to say,
But his eyes were filled with pity,
When he looked my way.

So I sat there,
The longest hour I have endured,
Realizing this man thought I farted,
Wondering what judgments he had conjured.

There was nothing I could do,
Except wait for it to end,
So I could let the anxiety settle,
And let my pride mend.

It’s been a few hours,
And my face is still red,
My cheeks are still on fire,
I still want to hide under my bed.

This felt like the time I sat on a chocolate Quest bar crumb,
And the melted spot made my pants look unsightly,
When these embarrassing things happen,
It helps me take life more lightly.

Joanna Banana

Joanna Banana,
Sweet Josi Pie,
I won’t call you t-rex today,
Cause I’m not trying to die.

But only for today,
Because we’re celebrating the day of your birth,
I want you to feel perfectly special,
And I want you to know your worth.

(Side note: When I call you t-rex,
And joke about your short arms,
I’m just giving you a hard time,
I don’t mean any harm.)

You are a ray of sunshine,
Anywhere you go,
Your inner radiance,
Makes your eyes glow.

You are warm and kind,
You wear your heart on your sleeve,
You’re the first to help out,
And the last one to leave.

You’re talented and lovable,
With an incredible sense of humor,
You see the best in others,
So you’re not one to start a rumor.

You say what you think,
You’re honest and direct,
You always see the bigger picture,
You’re not one to nitpick or dissect.

You take things as they come,
You embrace the waves of change,
You never get unsettled,
When your life is rearranged.

Your heart is the size,
Of the state of Texas,
Remember the time,
You hit a dumpster with your Lexus?

(Stay on track,
Leave out the jokes,
Save them for tomorrow,
Then unload the pokes).

You are a great role model,
You are a best friend,
I’m glad we are sisters,
And will be together through the end.

We will probably get kicked out,
Of long term care facilities,
For our obnoxious laughter,
And our immature abilities.

We will always be,
Young at heart,
Always easing the load,
By finding humor from the start!

I hope we never get arrested,
By the NSA,
For our silly conversations,
And the politically incorrect things we say.

No matter what tomorrow brings,
We are in for a good ride,
Cause we’ll always have each other,
Even after the day one of us dies.

If I pass before you,
I’m going to beg the big guy upstairs,
To let me come haunt you,
To give you gray hairs.

I would put lead-bestos into your laundry,
And sneak Quest bars into Zane’s lunch,
How did THIS happen at his age?
You won’t even have a hunch.

Cause schools don’t have gas stations,
And he can’t drive a car,
By the time he feels IT happening,
He probably couldn’t make it far.

All jokes aside,
If I did pass first,
I’d want you to reflect on,
Our sweet memories since birth.

Thank you for being there,
Thank you for being exactly the way you are,
You’re a sun in my sky,
And in the darkness, you’re a star.

You always bring light,
With the truth you share,
And when you don’t have time,
You find some to spare.

Because you are so caring,
You are so incredibly sweet,
You always think of ways to help,
And you find ways to treat.

You’re the best play mate,
Even though we are aging,
Though the older we get,
Our humor never stops raging.

I love you so much,
For everything you were made to be,
And I thank God regularly,
That He gave you to me.

The Dog

Last Sunday afternoon,
I was having a bad attitude,
So I went for a run,
Because this solution has been tried and true.

Less than a mile into my run,
I heard a loud, ferocious noise,
I kept on running,
Trying to remain poised.

The noise got closer,
And as I looked to my left,
I saw a great big dog,
And I knew I was effed.

Because I didn’t see a fence,
And there was no leash,
This neighborhood has kids,
And this dog’s out of control, sheesh.

So I cross the street,
And I run faster than lightening,
But this dog won’t let up,
And it’s getting more frightening.

I feel its mouth on my elbow,
So I run even quicker,
Next it gets my hamstring,
And I instantly feel sicker.

It won’t back off,
It’s not going anywhere,
I’ve been screaming for help,
But nobody is there.

After what felt like an eternity,
Relief came into sight,
It got the attention of a German Sheppard,
Whose bark gave it a fright.

So afraid, I was shaking,
My body pulsing with adrenaline,
I knew something had to be done,
Or this could happen again.

I went back to the house,
And I walked to the front door,
Nobody answered after five minutes,
So I knocked some more.

With four cars in the driveway,
I knew there was someone inside,
And they probably heard what happened,
So they were trying to hide.

Not seeing another option,
I called animal control for help,
They ignored this officer too,
Though he heard the dog inside’s yelp.

These people weren’t taking,
Any responsibility,
For their dog’s crazy aggression,
And his stored up hostility.

The icing on the cake,
Was after I left their house,
I heard a voice yell “hey”,
Giving my heart a rouse.

It wasn’t the bad guys though,
It was a man next door,
He said “I saw it all happen,”
Leaning his crutches on the floor.

It turns out,
He was a runner too!
But he said “I have an injury,
Sorry I couldn’t help you.”

So now I’m left wondering what I should do,
And how to proceed,
Cause I don’t want someone else to get hurt,
Even though the bites weren’t enough to make me bleed.