There are moments when I feel disconnected,
I’ve been mostly on my own for years,
I know I can get through the tough times by myself,
But sometimes that means fighting back tears.
Most of my recent relationships,
Have found their demise in September,
They died, alongside the leaves,
Meaning lonesome birthdays and Christmas Eves,
I know people who love me,
But I want my own family,
I’ve thought “it’s time” for a while now,
Yet somehow it’s still just me.
I don’t know where you are.
Only that you exist,
I don’t know what’s taking so long,
Only that your absence allows this loneliness to persist.
I’m not looking for a prince,
I’m looking for a partner,
Someone who is an equal,
Someone who is a costar.
I know you won’t complete me,
That’s not what I’m looking for.
I just want more than an echo,
When I walk through the front door.
I want a hand to hold,
Especially on dreary days,
And someone to show up by my side,
When life gets hard and I just want to hide.
I want someone to provide,
A safe haven or retreat,
One where I don’t have to be brave,
One where I can safely be me.
No makeup; no trying,
Vulnerable and raw,
Where anything goes.
I want someone to learn from,
I want to be challenged politely,
I want help being accountable,
And help taking life more lightly.
Sometimes I get to wondering,
Why we haven’t met yet,
But when I look at how much I’ve changed,
I think it best you weren’t around each time my life was rearranged.
You’ll get to benefit,
From all the lessons I’ve learned,
But I’m not going to be perfect,
Though, when I’m unrealistic, this is yearned.
I’m going to mess up,
But you’ll understand!
Cause you’ve messed up too,
More times than you can count on one hand.
You’re out there tonight,
As I’m writing this letter,
And you’re wondering where I am,
Maybe wrestling your own fetter.
When the time is right,
When we’re both ready,
We’ll enter each other’s lives,
And we’ll be independently steady.
Since we both worked solo,
To get to where we are,
When it comes to wondering if we made the right choice,
We won’t have to wonder far.
We’ve walked the busy streets,
We’ve spent long nights alone,
We’ve both desired to find each other,
We’ve both desired to build a home.
We’ve both had our bruises,
Scars and bumps,
So we’ll value what we found,
Even when we hit slumps.
I can’t wait to meet you!
But in the mean time I’ll stay busy,
Working to find peace and improve,
I’ll remain calm, not in a tizzy.
© Regina Mast 2016