The Audit

My morning flew by,
In a bit of a blur,
I was plowing through my work,
When something gave me a stir.

A man dressed like an accountant,
Showed up at my desk.
He said “I’m here for the audit”
With a demeanor that was statuesque.

(That’s kinda funny,
Cause my boss forgot,
But I’ll see what I can do,
Which might not be a lot.)

Trying to remain calm,
I asked him to have a seat,
He clearly saw I was there,
So it was too late to retreat.

I wanted to run away,
Or ask him to come back later,
But I didn’t want to tick him off,
You don’t want to turn an auditor into a hater.

I shook his hand,
With a smile on my face,
Composure: don’t fail me now.
Brain: though underprepared, find an ace.

As I was sitting down,
I met his glare,
When I heard a startling noise,
Coming from my chair.

You know when you blow,
Into an elbow that is bent?
And it makes a funny sound,
That can make the sternest characters relent?

Well that noise happened,
Because I was wearing a dress,
And I sat down too quickly,
Causing instant distress.

I continued to make eye contact,
As I answered his questions,
Providing the requested documentation,
Not knowing how to make defensive mentions.

“That’s not what it sounded like”
Is what I wanted to say,
But his eyes were filled with pity,
When he looked my way.

So I sat there,
The longest hour I have endured,
Realizing this man thought I farted,
Wondering what judgments he had conjured.

There was nothing I could do,
Except wait for it to end,
So I could let the anxiety settle,
And let my pride mend.

It’s been a few hours,
And my face is still red,
My cheeks are still on fire,
I still want to hide under my bed.

This felt like the time I sat on a chocolate Quest bar crumb,
And the melted spot made my pants look unsightly,
When these embarrassing things happen,
It helps me take life more lightly.

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